Worst Pick Up Lines

So... My wife is out of town...

On New Ideas

Z: We are going to do something intelligent.
Me: What?
Z: Not you. You are going to keep being an idiot.

Watching You're Cut Off

These women cannot be fucking serious...

They are very successful at being stupid.

I want to stab you in the eye Tinsley Mortimer.

It is based on the price you dumb fat hooker.

Is this The Love Boat music?

This is retarded. This is hurting my brain. And now you are hurting my brain

While Watching Celebrity Rehab

I need for work not to be closed. That way I can take my anger out on it & not Subway & Dr. Drew.

On Good Friday...

Me: Why do they call it Good Friday, if it was such a horrible day?
Zach: Because Black Friday was already taken for the day after Thanksgiving.

On Memories

The doctor asked me today if I have a good memory... Do I have a bad memory? I can't remember...

On Pee...

I don't know... I think pee is pretty cool.