On Good Friday...

Me: Why do they call it Good Friday, if it was such a horrible day?
Zach: Because Black Friday was already taken for the day after Thanksgiving.

On Memories

The doctor asked me today if I have a good memory... Do I have a bad memory? I can't remember...

On Pee...

I don't know... I think pee is pretty cool.

Nipples

My nipples are very annoying to me.

On Celebrity Adultery...

Celebrity Sex Rehab is the new black.

On Starting a Twitter...

Me: What is short hand for amazing?
Zach: Zach.